Friday, 1 March 2019

BAD DAY


Yesterday was a bad day for us both.
The weather was beautiful and in hind sight I can see that we should have gone out somewhere but neither of us could summon up the strength needed.
We discovered the problem once we sat down to do the jigsaws and opened up about why we were so lethargic.

A couple of days previous we had moved a bush in the garden.  What used to be an easy task now simply isn't.
I dug the thing up and made the new hole, put the bush in and asked Tom to tread around the base of the bush to make it firm.
It quite pooped him out and he had to sit on the bench to get his breath back and I was genuinely worried for him.
I think it came as a shock to both of us that we couldn't do such a simple task and made Tom realize that he just  cannot do the things he used to.


It's so hard to let go.

Anyway, we got the whole incident into the open and discussed how we are going to have to adjust up to what we can and cannot do and we both feel better for it.

26 comments:

  1. It's awful having to face up to and admit your limitations - we know! But good for you both to do it - now you've broached the subject you can accept it and work out ways to make things easier in the future. I'm constantly having to watch husband to make sure he doesn't overdo things - he's always been an all or nothing sort and took a long while to accept that he just can't do what he used to, as if he tries to, he wears himself out for the next couple of days.

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  2. It is difficult as I know. I was told when first diagnosed with COPD it is life limiting not life threatening. Over the years since then I have found I cant do things that I once did. And as Sooze says if you do overdo it you know about it as you and Tom did. Just enjoy the things you can do.

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    1. I didn't think he was ever going to get his breath back after stamping the soil down and he admitted that it frightened him. In a way it was a good thing as it told him not to go doing things he knows will make him short of breath, if you know what I mean.

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  3. That is a difficult conversation and a necessary one that will ultimately be helpful. My gardening is very curtailed at my age, but I still love the beauty of my plants.

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  4. great idea to discuss it and figure out what you can and can't do. we both have things we can't do now. Bob has a whole list of things he can't do and it just breaks his heart. for 34 years he has washed his truck every week end, and never gone more than 2 weeks, our trucks were always clean. yesterday he washed his truck because it has been about 6 months since he did and today he can hardly walk. his brain says he can still do what he wants to do, the part of his body that had the stroke says NO...

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    1. We usually take the car to the car wash not but the insides are in need of cleaning.
      I have got as far as taking the polish and duster out but that's as far as I've got, lol

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  5. Oh Briony love, this getting older lark is no fun is it. Good that you can have the conversations about how best to cope.

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    1. thanks for the comment Cherie, I'm waiting to see how you get on with your hip op, mines killing me some days but I'm a cissy about operations.

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  6. I am facing this as well, so he has company! I have trouble getting dressed and undressed, need a wheelchair at times, etc. I realize his problems are different from mine, and I am so sorry. It is a hard thing to deal with. I wish there was a pill that would give us strength and pep!

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    1. Hi Ginny. Trouble is we thought we would go on forever as we were, full of energy and strength. Actually if you accept the fact that you can't do these things and settle for what you can do and enjoy then its not all bad is it?
      We have spent today mostly doing jigsaws and I feel quite relaxed this evening.

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  7. It isn't easy when mobility or strength or stamina change with illness or time but you and Tom are doing as well as you can and while that conversation is a difficult one to have, you've done it and now maybe you can prioritize and brain storm ways to get help when you need it. Best to you both.

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  8. Kudos to you both for talking about it openly. Some folks never have the conversation but just blame each other or the world in general and are miserable. It's not easy to face reduced abilities, but it's better to talk and accept than never accept at all.

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  9. Getting it out and discussing it is a good idea. It's hard not being able to do the things we used to.

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  10. So difficult when the mind still has the vision, but the body doesn't have the follow-through. How wonderful that you have the kind of relationship that allows you to discuss these things openly. That is a blessing.

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  11. I'm so sorry this incident happened, Briony. Does your husband get any exercise whatsoever during the day? Maybe he could work up to being able to work in the yard again if he could somehow work up to it, slow but sure? My husband and I are getting older by the minute too & our new limitations never cease to amaze us....in a sad way. Love, Andrea xoxo

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  12. im being driven steadily mad by OHs limitations , his walking is increasingly bad , he broke 3 ribs on his good side just by coughing last week and he stil insists he will manage to get back on 2 wheels ....lol

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    1. At least he is still optimistic, if you don't have hope you might as well end it all. I still think we are going to get walking in the countryside again but there's not a chance in hell, lol

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    2. Walking in the countryside is one of my best fantasies too. But it ain't gonna happen unless it's in a motorized wheel chair! That's one of our problems, we're not able to walk far but don't quite qualify for needing a chair yet.

      Zip has gotten to the point where he has accepted his limitations and is able to tell people that he just can't do certain things any more. He used to love going fishing and his buddies still ask him to go but he just can't handle it any more without being short of breath.

      It's so hard to have to admit, especially to yourself, that you just can't do what you used to. But there are still things we CAN do and those are the ones we have to focus on. We luckily have our MINDS! That we can be thankful for!

      Zip

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  13. It's good that you could talk about your present situation. It's a shame that with Tom's lung condition the idea of happy country walks together is now an impossibility. To me you both sound like positive people who love life and next time the weather is good you should force yourselves to get out, breathe in some fresh air and watch other people passing by. Also, how about an occasional game of bingo in one of Brighton's amusement arcades?

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  14. I'm glad you were able to talk about it. I do think it is important to acknowledge the limitations on our bodies esp when getting a bit older but I do know it must be depressing to think that you find things harder than you used to esp with such a positive attitude!
    I wish my Dad would accept his limitations a bit more and be a bit easier on himself- he works so hard being retired!

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  15. I can relate to the distress of not being able to do manual activities any longer. I am fine at the moment but for how long? Watching my friend over the years slow down, but not taking it on board that she can't do what she used to. She insists on staying in her own home, she insists that every little set back she will bounce back. Sadly that is no longer the case. After yet another fall in her home, with disastrous consequences, loss of blood and head stitched up, she is now in hospital again.

    All through her life this lady has always thought of the well being of other people before her own. She has soldiered on no matter how poorly she has been. Her two daughters live miles away and have been visiting regularly. She has always fought against giving up her home, sadly I think the time has come when she will have to.

    Sorry I don't mean to ramble on, but seeing my friend going through the various stages of decline has made me think of my own longevity. It's good that you and Tom can discuss things, and make adjustments now, we are all going to be in the same boat at some stage in our lives. I am thinking I maybe can't walk 20 miles a day for seven days straight off, so I am looking at shorter walks with lots of nice scenery.

    Best wishes to you and Tom, ilona xxx

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  16. I too love this getting older talk, I dont like it and yet it come for us all. I am also trying to adjust to this it help to read about it

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  17. Well, if it makes you feel any better (and I don't know why it would) moving a bush would be hard for me too! I generally shy away from any gardening that involves digging, LOL. I'm the trimmer and the mower. Dave is the digger. It's great that you were able to talk about this and maybe next time it would be better (but admittedly more expensive) to have someone come and do it for you!

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  18. One last note to add on this subject. I had a chat on the phone last night with a Lady Trucker friend who I haven't seen for many years. She tells me that she is still driving a truck, albeit a smaller four wheeler now which belongs to the family business. She didn't start driving until she was 50, and now she is 80. Yes, 80, yikes, and still working.

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