Thursday, 2 July 2020

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?


Everywhere we go from meeting friends to the supermarket and on the phone people always ask, 'How are you today'  and I always say, 'Fine thank you'.
But the reality is that often I am lying.
Sometimes I would like to say that I am on the edge and feel like running away from our situation, or that actually I feel like bursting out in tears, but I don't.
I often wonder what people would do if I was truthful and said that I felt miserable and frightened about our future, because I often do.
I have in the past once or twice said how I really felt and was met with awkwardness from the person who didn't quite know how to respond.
With Tom's illness it's hard to accept what is happening and just because he is 80 and I am 74 does not mean that we are ready to lay down and die.
We still feel like we used to and have things that we would like to achieve, even if some of them are now impossible.
What about you.
Do you feel this way sometimes.

How Are You Today? Pictures, Photos, and Images for Facebook ...

26 comments:

  1. We're fine, we really are, but one fears what's round the corner.

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  2. Frequently, Briony, so I do empathise with you. Husband has been much more tired and breathless than usual lately, so presumably his heart failure is worse. It's nearly impossible to see our GP (phone consultation being all that's offered). It's scary to think how I'll cope if I'm left on my own in this tiny rural hamlet, so I just don't think about it.

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  3. many days chuck , i hate the limitations his physical problems impose on us , my life as i knew it ended with his illness but we plod on ...what else is there ?

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  4. "I'm fine" seems to be the standard answer. I've often said that most people don't really want to hear how you are they are just looking for the standard answer. It's hard to say I'm fine when you aren't feeling that way. You can always blog about how you're really feeling and I'll be happy to listen without giving you any awkwardness

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  5. Oh bless you pet. We all feel that way sometimes. It's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed by life sometimes. I am sending you a socially distanced virtual hug. xx

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  6. In our culture, if we asked a corpse how it was we would expect it to reply, "Fine thank you!" Rather than asking someone how they are I will often say, "How's it going?" or "It's nice to see you". I always feel a little uncomfortable when someone asks "How are you?" I want to retort, "Are you my ****ing doctor or something? Mind your own business!"

    Every day we can fulfil small dreams, even if it is just making a nice meal or watching something good on the TV. Dreams don't have to be big.

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  7. I understand completely, we are too polite and don't want to cause an awkward situation so just come out with I'm fine thanks. I feel the same as you, I try not to dwell on things but you can't help but feel frightened and worried about a situation with which you have no control. I'm scared about the repercussions what will things be like once this virus has done it's worst, I think of all the job losses, closed businesses the effect it's having globally doesn't bear thinking about. So to be honest I don't think that anyone is really fine we all share the same fears, all we can do it concentrate on the little things and be thankful and grateful that we are alive, have a roof over our head and have food on the table :) xx

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  8. Agree entirely. I try to put on a cheerful face to all and sundry, but deep down I am worried. I have been shielding, to use that much-used term, and anxious about returning to some kind of normal. So much so I have had palpitations which fortunately have proved harmeless. I worry about the economy, whether Covid will ever go away, whether I will get it and die before my time. But like you, I lie whenever I am asked how I feel. I'M FINE!!

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  9. We should always count our blessings but sometimes we forget them. A very thought provoking post.

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  10. My good friend who has had major surgery due to stomach cancer always replies with "I'm fine" when asked how she is doing. When I ask, I genuinely want to know if she really is doing OK but I know she would never say if she were not.

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  11. And it's not like we can comfortably offer a big hug to friends who are 'not fine' these days - there are the words and then there is the body language. 'Fine' is sort of an admission of 'not fine' but things could definitely be worse, so we soldier on.

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  12. Because of this very thing I rarely say hello how are you? But I do when someone says it to me as her fine how about you? Maybe we should all start to just say exactly what when we think and they would stop saying it. Mostly when I see somebody I say hi! Or most of the time I say hey! Because I'm Southern. And sometimes I say I haven't seen you in a long time where you been? We need to come up with ways to greet each other without the standard question. I feel exactly like you have described here almost every day of my life and it's fine to say it on your blog just like and said we're all here for you so bless us with it. Once in awhile I say something on my blog but I've never really said how I feel I'll say something about his health as you do too but not how we feel about it. I am blessed to have 3 block friends and 2 other friends that I can send emails and spread out every single thing I feel to them. I have one friend that I've never met we've been friends since 2009 and she's a Blog friend and she has a similar situation to mine and yours and we email each other and just spill it all out. I have to say it's okay to feel that way when life has dropped us into what we're in these days and dealing with what you are dealing with plus the virus I fully understand

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  13. I have a friend here who has been in an area that's been in complete lockdown for 4 months. She and her husband and two boys are at home unable to venture out. Whenever I ask, she always says she's fine, but I can imagine that it must be difficult. We are human. Everything is not always fine and we should be able to say that. It's very unusual times for sure and with Tom's health issues, you have every right to be scared and worried. It helps just to put voice to that, even if it's just here on your blog. Take care of yourself.

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  14. I’m fine... 🙄 (do you believe that?)

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  15. Very occasionally I break from the norm of replying 'fine thanks''mustn't grumble' etc. But sometimes you just have to admit things are dire for what ever reason. Thankfully I have good friends I can grumble to and it helps.

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  16. Yes, Briony.... YES!!! This post reminds me of a conversation I had with my Mom (RIP) years ago. She told me that when she was young, she always wondered what it would be like to be 80 years old. She said that on the day she turned 80, she went into the bathroom and looked at herself square in the mirror. She said it was odd because she didn't feel any different, inside, than she did when she was that young girl. So being 80 years old didn't "feel" any different... except, of course, for the wrinkles, aches & pains. She said it had been so long since she *didn't* have wrinkles, aches & pains that... well... she just didn't feel any different. Mom lived another 10 years after that, with the last year being spent bed-bound, not even able to feed herself.

    When I ask people how they are, I truly want to know. But when people ask me, I can always tell those who really want to know & those who are just gesturing.... so I gear my response in accordance.

    My body hurts everywhere... my knees are especially bad... I have a great deal of GI trouble, to the point that even before the virus, it kept me home most days... I have diabetes & hypertension, which dictates how I live my life. But if I wake up in the morning, have food-clothing-shelter, I'm "fine", I guess. It does no good to say different, does it. *sigh*

    Love you, Andrea
    xoxo

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  17. My mum used to do the same and I remember a friend of hers saying ‘you can’t possibly be fine!’ But yes, few people really want an honest reply.

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  18. My husband and I both have chronic health conditions as well as the trials and tribulations of advancing age. We've tried being honest when asked 'How are you?' We usually find the enquirer uses it as an excuse to tell us how much worse they are. These days I find 'Keeping going' or 'Plodding along' works better - unless it's someone I know does actually care. x

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  19. I guess it depends on how well you know the person or people you are greeting. If it's casual acquaintances I usually say the standard 'I'm fine.' Mostly they don't really want to hear the our truth and don't feel comfortable telling theirs.
    But people we know and care about, Zip and I do tell them how we're feeling and they know us well enough to reciprocate. I'd much rather talk to people about how they really feel than make the polite small talk, because I'm truly interested in hearing their feelings. I am more of a 'spill my guts' kind of person and am not comfortable with the super polite 'everything is just peachy' people.
    It may have come from being a mental health nurse in my past.

    All that said, getting older in this day and age is scary because our future is so uncertain. Zip's health problems are very similar to Tom's and I am dreading the day when he is incapacitated. It is so hard to plan what to do isn't it?
    Email me and talk any time if you feel the need!

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  20. Saying 'I'm fine' is such an automatic response. Sometimes I say, 'some days I'm up and some days I'm down'. Every morning I wake up from dreams back into reality, and remember what is going on and pray for God's strength to make it through another day.

    Yes, our age in numbers is not the same as how we feel in our heads. We think, we feel, we have learned from life and we think we can still do what we once could do without any hassles. May you and Tom keep enjoying each day you are blessed with.

    Love, hugs and prayers ~ FlowerLady

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  21. At the times in my life when things really were not fine, I could tell who was just asking automatically, as a way of greeting, and who really wanted to know. To those who really were open to knowing, I would admit that I was "not great" or words to that effect. I hope you have some of those people in your life.

    If saying "fine, thanks" to the other kind of people felt too difficult to me, I would just answer with "how are you" and forget about trying to answer them. It usually made me feel better inside, because I hadn't lied, I just hadn't answered. If they didn't pick up on that, then I knew I had done the right thing because they didn't really care to hear about it anyhow.

    No wonder you feel scared and like running away. You understand what is coming, and it takes a great deal of energy and courage to face that every day. It is very wearing in every way - physically, emotionally, mentally. It's like a huge weight is hanging over one's head and it just presses down harder and harder as time goes by. And nobody - nobody I know anyhow - wants to feel their life is over, with no room for dreams or good things. That's another weight that drains a person. I am so sorry you are going through this.

    If you ever want to chat, my email is newjennyo@gmail.com. Feel free to get in touch.

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  22. It's funny how "fine" is always the default response no matter HOW we're really feeling. People aren't really prepared to hear anything else. Hang in there, Briony and Tom! All this covid drama will eventually dissipate and our lives will get back to some semblance of normal. I think.

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  23. This sentence is meaningless now, and is only used as a greeting. It would be much more honest to just say "Hi". I never say how I really feel, because it is only a greeting, and not an expression of concern. Phil and I are about your ages. He is 80 and I am 71. And I DO feel this way a lot!! A fear for the future, people just seem more and more evil. Fear for what will happen to us. But I have to trust that God has this, and we are in the palm of his hand. How else to get through? I am ALWAYS concerned about both of you, and want to hear how you really are, and not a scripted answer.

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  24. I tell people and sometimes the wrong people I'm fine but I'm not fine.
    I lost my dad and husband within ten weeks of each other last year. I always said my husband had another twenty years in him and I lost him aged seventy-one, I'm sixty-four.
    Julie xxxxxx

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  25. I think we say 'How are You?' as a greeting now and don't expect an answer just as some say 'See You Later' to people they probably won't see again that same day, if at all. If people ask I always say I'm OK,just bumbling along when I could pour my heart out and say I'm miserable, can't see an end to it all and etc. It's hard getting to 70 this year and all the worries it entails, I understand how you feelxx

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