As most of you know, Tom has an illness called IPF. This is a lung disease that gets progressively worse and there is not a cure.
It was just over a year when it was discovered after surgery for a different thing and we were all knocked sideways.
How do you deal with this kind of thing? Its hard.
Over the past year we have been high and low. we've been positive and despairing.
We have been together for 58 years and been through a lot of ups and downs but this is the worst.
We all know that we will die one day but even if we are 80 years old we still have hope that we will live until we are 90, when you are given a life expectancy its different.
I write this as we have had a week of coming to terms shall we say. The weather hasn't helped with it being damp because Tom finds it more difficult to breath and coughs a lot more, but we are gradually getting to the point where we are both accepting what is happening and trying our hardest to make the most of each day.
Today its sunny and the difference is marked, we both feel so much more positive.
One of the problems with Tom is that he looks so well and people find it difficult to accept that there is anything wrong.
So if you are well, make the most of each day and try not to complain about little aches and pains.
Non of us know what is in the future do we?
Whenever you write your thoughts on here Briony you show us in your own special way how brave you both are. The love you both share for each other is evident in your words as well
ReplyDeleteLove to you both from another 58er in a cold and wet Melbourne down under.
Take care
Cathy
enjoy each other while you can , its the good days that make it worth it
ReplyDeleteYou know how hard I find it to be positive at times, Briony, when it often seems like we're constantly being bashed one way or another. I must strive to be more like you! Yes Tom does look well (I do like his red glasses!), as does my husband and like you, people tend not to believe that he's so unwell, especially since he hardly ever complains and makes light of his problems, even to the doctor. If only they could see him at home, when it's just him and me! He lets his guard down then. Sunshine and warm days do make things seem a lot better. We're newlyweds compared to you and Tom, it's only 38 years together for us! Thinking of you, Briony x
ReplyDeleteThis is so very true. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Staying strong will help get you through the difficult days so that you can fully enjoy the good ones. Sending thoughts and prayers your way
ReplyDeleteI had a period of serious illness in my late 30's and as a result have been unable to have children. I have had depression since. I can't imagine being in your position. Try and get outside as much as possible. Everyone's different but i find anti-depressant tablets have helped me as well.
ReplyDeleteDear Briony
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you both. Enjoy every day (as much as you can).
Best wishes
Ellie
You are absolutely right about making the most of each day. Hugs to you and Tom from Florida where changes beyond my control seem afoot.
ReplyDeleteWishing strength to you both.
ReplyDeleteDear Briony ~ I am so sorry that you and Tom are dealing with this situation, but I see that God is keeping your spirits up, He gives you sunshiny days to dispel the gloomy ones, He's giving you more time together, and your love for each other grows stronger with each new day you are blessed with. I thought 43 years together was a long time, congrats on your 58 years together and may you enjoy many more days of loving each other.
ReplyDeleteLove, hugs & prayers ~ FlowerLady
Whenever I feel fed up and as a result moan about my health etc, you have reminded me that it's not actually so bad Briony. Thank you. Tom looks like a lovely and kind man, and he has you. You are both very lucky.Enjoy each other until you both get as old as you can. x
ReplyDeleteI can't begin to understand what you are going through, so I'm not in a position to answer your questions. My thoughts are to treat each day as a bonus, to plan something nice to happen, something simple like a special piece of cake. To choose a time for this special treat, perhaps early evening when you are relaxing in a favourite chair.
ReplyDeleteCould you arrange a friend to visit you for a coffee, a chat over the kitchen table. Distractions from the normal day might help. A phone call from a close relative, maybe. All you can do is take one day at a time, and try and make the next day better than the one before.
Make some memories for your family, photographs. Ask Tom to write them letters, to keep and read over the years, and to be passed on to their kids and grandkids. I don't have anything from my grandparents and great grandparents except a couple of photo's. I wish I had more.
The time you have left together is a gift to be treasured. Talk about the old times that you have enjoyed, 'do you remember', etc etc.
Dear Briony, Tom will be going on a journey, one where you won't be going with him. Give him a good send off. He might be gone in body, but his memory will live on inside your heart. If it all becomes too much, have a bloody good weep. Lots of love, Ilona xxx
thanks for the reminder to live each day as if it is the last.. i have a friend who is 79 and has Lukemia and her life now has changed completely, just like yours and Toms have.. prayers for both of you and hugs to... glad you got a little sunshine. you said you could not take the sun and heat, i could not take rain.. i get really depressed when it rains. which means we are both in the place we need to be..
ReplyDeleteWe take so much for granted each and every day. Not being able to get enough oxygen is certainly very scary. I looked up IPF to see exactly what it is. I know that you two are doing the best you can to make sure Tom is able to manage his symptoms and have protocol in place for any times of distress. 58 years is quite an accomplishment. Like you said, we never know what may come tomorrow so each day should be a celebration. Take care, xoxoxo Tammy
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you both. I know exactly where you are coming from, almost 2 years ago I too was diagnosed with a very rare and serious life changing scarey illness. The roller coaster journey of emotions, hospital appt and general daily living is very hard to explain to others the effect it has on those who are ill and the wider family and friends. So much has to be planned when doing things or going anywhere, you looked forward to it and then it cancelled as you aren't up to it. Like Tom, I smile a lot to the outside world and people think alls ok...... if only they knew. Much love xx
ReplyDeleteOh Briony love my heart aches for you. These past few months have made me realise that good health is something that can never be taken for granted.
ReplyDeleteSuch good advice at the end of your post, Briony. And you are right, none of us knows what's in the future. Sometimes life changes in a moment rather than gradually. I saw that with my father's stroke. Any one of us could find our lives upended this time tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're getting some sunshine to help change the scenery. Gray skies and rainy damp weather can be depressing at the best of times, let alone when every day counts. xx
Yes, I did know about this, but I am glad you have given us more details. I cannot imagine how hard this would be. Well, maybe a little, as Phil and I have been married 50 years. I would be devastated. I am hoping it is controlled to some degree with medicines. You are the first person that I have heard about this disease. Please know I will be praying for both of you, your stress must be off the charts.
ReplyDeleteCherish every moment and take each day as it comes.x
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of youxx
ReplyDeleteArilx
Hugs from New Zealand. You are so right in saying we must enjoy each day. Sun makes such a difference. We have a sunny day here after several cloudy miserable days and it makes everything seem better but must be so hard to deal with Tom's diagnosis.
ReplyDeleteYou have such a wonderful relationship and positive outlook.
I will treasure your thoughts. 🕊️
ReplyDeleteI hope you have many more dry and sunny days together. x
ReplyDeleteIt's such a terrible situation to be in and I don't think anyone can understand exactly what you're going through unless they're going through similar themselves. I admire the way you're both coping with things, trying to get the best out of every day even though you must be in turmoil inside. Sending my very best wishes and strength to you both xx
ReplyDeleteI found your blog in the favorite list at Ann's Snap Edit Scraps. I know your pain because my sweet husband and I are going through this, too. It's the hardest thing ever. We have so many friends and family praying for us and that brings us so much comfort. I will be praying for you and your Tom. God bless you both.
ReplyDeleteConnie
I feel for you Briony - I really do but mostly I feel for your Tom. Not being able to breathe properly - it must be a bit like drowning. Thank heavens he has you by his side - "For better or worse, in sickness and in health".
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you & Tom, Briony. I wish I had a magic wand that could make all of this go away for you. :-( Scarring fibrosis was found "accidently" when they did a scan for my coronary arteries. I have a doctor appt this coming Thursday. May God be with all of us on this earth as we come head-to-head with the realities of this life. Love, Andrea xoxo
ReplyDeleteHugs to you and Tom from Florida...
ReplyDeleteSpecial thoughts and hugs to you and Tom♥ Linda xx
ReplyDeleteMy love to you both xx
ReplyDeleteSending Positive Vibes Brother Tom - Stay Strong
ReplyDeleteCheers
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